who would like to teach him to read?

dear ,

you are most welcome. i really don't mind buying you dog food, because i feel like it's part of our unspoken contract: i feed you regularly, you don't pee in my bed. you've kept up your part of the bargain, i should probably do the same. it's always funny to me to see you do the same dinner dance you did when you were a 9-lb furball now that you're a 70-lb beastie, and it's tripled when i walk through the door with a new bag of food.

i wish that i'd remember to buy your pansyfood 3-4 days before you run out, because it's not fun shoving my arm into the bin and praying to the god of dwindling kibble (fun note on dyslexia, i accidentally typed "dog") that there's enough for even 75% of a meal because i got home late and petsmart and petco are closed, and even if the last of your food is given to you tonight, you can wait a little bit in the morning for a midday meal. like brunch! (by the way, petsmart and petco, could you put some stores a little closer to my house please?)

now i'm afraid we need to revisit the "floor/not floor" conundrum. i can understand your confusion about what constitutes floor and what doesn't, what with how messy the house has gotten, but standing with your left front and rear feet INSIDE my upright knitting bag seems a bit ridiculous, even for you, you silly animal.

also, the barking? driving me up the freaking wall. however, i'm most grateful you don't bark during sleeping time (well the night time one anyway - you haven't quite figured out that nap time is the same as sleeping time). and since we're talking about things that bug me, stop waking up to piddle in the yard before 5 am please. it's unnecessary.

thanks, and there's a treat for you in your dog bed.

love,
the lady with the food

baby steps

okay, i'm at a coffee shop, supposedly working on my paper right now, and i might be crying.

i won't confirm or deny that for sure, but there's a chance.

because i just read this article. i found it reading this article.

both bring up the valid points that i've been lucky enough to know because i've worked with these children. i love these children. every time i was around one of my kiddos, i learned something new, and i received so much joy and love.

there's more to this story, but i really do have to work on my paper...

open letter to the world

dear world,

please stop spitting your gum out on the ground.

thanks,
heather

p.s. also, please stop wearing crocs if you're not a nurse or on a boat.

mmmmm...coffee...

i'm writing at the moment from SML coffee on the corner of speer and washington. i'm using their free wifi and sipping the most incredible americano i may have ever had.

it's been open for about 6 weeks, and is empty other than me and the owner. so, it's still new, but the coffee's great, it has 2 garage doors (reminding me of the 5 points jittery joe's in athens).

they are having free movie nights on wednesdays through september (BYO lawn chair), friday night speed scrabble, and did i mention the good coffee?

i'm going to be there for a movie night when i can (the next 2 are busy for me - but the 14th? the big lebowski), and hope to make scrabble night before too long...

yay good coffee in denver! it doesn't happen often.

yessssssss

now, i share my birthday with more than siouxsie sioux. (and i didn't know about louis gosset, jr., left-eye, jamie oliver, and NEIL FINN!)

the wait is over. siouxie and neil are way more awesome people to share it with though.

other good things from that day are here.

everyone knows that white clothing symbolizes death in china

if you didn' t know that, you're a loser.

okay, that was harsh and untrue. you're not a loser, i apologize.

but there was a random chinese girl dressed in a lovely, long white column dress at the dim sum place yesterday. she was wandering around with a wad of cash. most people in her party were wearing sneakers.

this was the best picture fritz could get while pretending to take a picture of pei.
and the cork sandals were unnecessary with that dress.

fritz (i think) said, "why is she dressed like that?"

i said, "her quinceañera."

lo! what interestingness was had (boy, howdy a lot of pictures!)

(i'm having trouble uploading to flickr - and flickr never fails me. the world must be ending. if the world's still here tomorrow, i'll post pictures)

today i had dim sum with fritzie and pei we and looked at silly things at the asian market. while eating dim sum, the servers kept marking our bingo card. i think we won!

and pei gave me a 12 pack of izze for my birthday since i love it.
sadly, when i was walking down the stairs to my apartment, i dropped the box, and broke 4 of them. my hands started bleeding from the broken glass and my vestibule smells like pomegranate juice and i think the ants will move in overnight.

the survivors

the inimitable fredlet and her family (the semaphoria-forkbeards?) sent me a cafepress knitty raglan hoodie, that proudly identifies its wearer as a yarn h0.

my mom and sister gave me the same card i sent to someone just a month ago! it's that funny! (or they just know what i think is funny).

and a pair of monkey flip flops.

and a pair of gardening gloves.

you know, so i don't have to touch the dirt [shudder]

and, this is the amazing one, a copy of the long-out of print children's book heather's feathers.

it was my favorite when i was little (i wonder why) and i used to check it out from smiley library all the time.

my favorite line (of which i may call for a re-enactment in my last class on wednesday):

"aren't we lucky to have heather in our class!" said the teacher.

"oh, yes!" shouted everyone.

copies of this book, much less NEW copies of this book are hard to come by and costly, and i love it to bits and smithereens.

so distraught she's flinging tears from her eyes


hippos need fashion help.

and i baked a lemonylemon cake and bought a vacuum. woot!

thanks everyone - it was lovely.

no time for a proper post

but there were amazing gifts and dim sum and i'm baking my cake.

i'm also still shopping for a vacuum cleaner.

and stumbled upon this review. please be sure to take note of #5 under the pros.

i'm dying to see the family pictures.

take some time today

i was reading larissa's birthday post and liked it so much i have snagged it for myself.

as part of my birthday wishes, i wish you to take some time to enoy your day and do a little something you weren't anticipating. something fun, something abslutely indulgent, something just for you.

if you'd like to, you can do some things that i might do today:

feel and smell some ridiculously expensive yarn
sit in the sun
play the guitar
get a pedicure
eat a lemon cupcake
look at cupcakea
wrestle a puppy
snuggle a baby
put on perfume
wear a skirt
sing loudly in your car with the windows rolled down
hug someone you love
take pictures
drink too much coffee
find many many things that are green
encourage someone to play with your hair

these are what i love to do way too much, but feel free to come up with your own list.

one heck of an albatross

i have one thing between me and finishing grad school.

my national security policy final. 2 questions, totalling about 20 pages. i have zero motivation to start it, as i have no idea what i'm going to say.

it's due on tuesday night. then i have some other papers to turn in and a presentation, but those are finished.

tomorrow will be a working birthday.

don't make me mad

because i'll have evil lookin' crazy opening and closing eyes and whatnot until you stop making me mad.

i hope fritz learned his lesson. even though he doesn't look penitent.



(for the record, all was mostly forgiven)






and BOY do i have a big mouth smile.

yo, step on my buzz, why dontcha?

i had an okay yoga practice today. i was tired and my pushups (or chatarangas) were hit or miss.

but BOY did i have a good savasana.

it was restorative, i surrendered, i soaked up the benefits of my sorta okay practice.

i left the studio and was getting my purse and flip flops out of the locker, WHEN THE CACTUS IN THE CORNER ATTACKED ME.

it may have harshed my mellow.

oh... that's why...

grumperina verbalized why i am anti knitted skirt, pants, dress, etc...

it's not that i have been saying this all along, rather i hadn't realized the source of my reluctance.

it turns out i am of the "no knitted fabric over my butt" school.

though i'll wish you were there, i was less than we could bear

i got a surprise package when i got home today!

i don't know exactly whom it's from, but i know where they live, which gives me an idea of whom.

however i can't open it until my birthday. which is saturday. this saturday, the 27th. (ahem)

since i was taking pictures, i decided to take pictures of that stuff which i have been knitting (except lady eleanor - it's longer, there are squares.)

so, here's calla, as mentioned from before. i think that i'll wish that i knitted it a size smaller, because i measured myself, and i'm down 2 inches from the last time i measured my bust, and there's 1 inch of neg. ease in the pattern, and this will have 3 inches of ease when it's done. which is too bad, because while i love how it looks, i don't really like knitting this. or knitting with the cathay - since as jess has mentioned repeatedly, it's suuuuuuuuuper splitty and it's suuuuuuuuuuper visible when it's split.

anyhow, here's the body, about an inch below the arm.

(20" addi turbos, size 5)

and here's a closeup of the center cable, because i have been converted from a zoom girl to a supermacro girl.

i've also given socks another go. this time, a simple stockinette sock with a figure 8 cast on and a short row heel. this time, just one at a time.

in the shelly duvall* of yarns (littlegoat, that's for you), lana grossa multieffekt. i like it in concept, but it's just... so. dang. busy. (the stitch holder indicates a dropped stitch)

(40" addi turbos, size 1)

faux fair isle? sure. self-striping? why not? both?! not as much.
i'm about 4 rows past the heel, it took a total of about 2 hours to do this, once i figured out my gauge. but i'm happier with my own knitting than i have been in a while - look at my even stitches!

* also known as good god! i'm ugly!

i love wearing skirts

i love getting all dolled up.

i love spring because it's about wearing skirts, celebrating warmer weather, and showin' some skin. i've never, however (hey! rhyme!) loved handknit skirts, but that's more a case of preference.

and while i don't think the flower shaped skirt is at all pretty (and really, i rarely like all the patterns in knitty anyway), i REALLY think there's zero sense in designating it as a surprise pattern, that is a heavy wool skirt, shared with the public on may 24.

the designer even says:

"It's almost spring where I am, but not quite; the snow is still on the ground but I've had enough of the cold. I needed something to kick winter's ass and herald spring's return. So this skirt was dreamed up while I was looking through a book of flower studies and plotting spring's resurrection.
It's made in bright tropical colors to chase away the winter blues but the wool yarn is thick and sturdy so the skirt holds its shape and also keeps your legs nice and warm just in case winter kicks back."

even in colorado, there's not much likelihood in winter kicking back by memorial day - much less would i have the time to knit a skirt in the unlikely chance it does.

throw your skinny body down, son

not much to report.

because blogging is a high-activity report log, clearly.

i invite you to scroll through the archives and see just how action packed is mine life.

thanks to patrick, who sent me this, the theme song to perfect strangers, which i couldn't have spontaneously come up with, is stuck in my head. and turns out i still know every single word of the song.

actually, i could go run and take pictures of calla, which is about 1.25" from when i get to start binding off for the armscyes. and i have a sneaking suspicion i'll wish i made calla one size smaller. i also only did the cable pattern on the front, and am knitting it in the round. by the way, i'm using debbie bliss cathay in 12007.

okay, too tired to take pictures.

suckage.

or, relative lack therein.

my vacuum is dead. it's sucked in one too many pieces of dog fur. it was miraculous that it lasted for over 3 years, what with ernie shedding an extra dog a week. but i changed the filter, unscrewed the top and cleaned out the clumps of hair out of the niches and tubing, and still. the suckage is sadly lacking.

i was looking at the animal dyson (which made me giggle - got a pesky dog? vacuum him right up with the new animal dyson! overrun by wildebeest? chicken? feral hamsters? the animal dyson can handle them too!) which is expensive and i don't really want a bagless vacuum again... too much dust and stuff goes flying when you empty it.

i've thought about an oreck.

but it all comes down to the fact that i can't afford me no fancy appliances. so i'll probably get another crappy one to last until i can.

not to keep posting 2 line posts...

but i was just enjoying the pictures of the doggies when i read this line:

Why yes that IS a row counter pinned to my shirt. My family is especially proud when I go out in public wearing 2 or 3 of these like some kind of counting wizard with OCD.

and i giggled a lot.

counting wizard.

blah blah blah

thanks to p-man for being a good friend.

thanks, p-man. you're a good friend.

dear everyone

i do apologize for freaking y'all out for mismarking calendars.

i should have put the part in the birthday sushi post about it not being my birthday until this saturday, the 27th, in big bold blinking letters.

we just celebrated this weekend because next weekend is memorial weekend and the weekend before everyone's papers are due.

so thank you most kindly for your birthday wishes, i'll hang on to them.

painting my hair the color of mud

paul simon's new album surprise came out a week or two ago... it's produced by brian eno. it's good. it's no negotiations and love songs (which isn't fair because that's a compilation), or rhythm of the saints but i do love it. and the electronicky brian eno stuff is good and surprising (hey, looky at that) too.

and i love this song.

i have jake to thank for my love of paul simon. we drove to st. louis and lafayette, la to see him playing with bob dylan.

still two of the best shows i've ever seen - he's a genius at arranging and lyrics and complexly layered, rich music. and i'd gladly pay $75 again to see him play more.

from mad libs in the mall with pei lo mein

"When I Grow Up"

Now that I've graduated from grade 77, I'm going to start spazzing more often. After all, I'm practically a mess! Since I want to be just like Donald Smith, I'd better start snorting as retardedly as possible. I think this summer I'm going to get a part-time job as an alligator sexer or a chicken sexer. That will teach me how to be sparkly, and mabe I'll even make one dollars! Then I can put all of my money in the mall and collect monkeys. When I retire at age pi, I'll be a sunlight. Maybe I'll even get to live on the beach in a castle on a cloud, buy expensive treble clefs, and drive a fancy Bat Boat. Wouldn't that be random? I'd better start singing right away!

good night, and thank you!

thanks to the people who helped pei lo mein and i celebrate our birthdays! we had a great time, slow poky service and all, and thank you for it!

especially since it's a week to my birthday and 4 days to pei's.

i have some pictures that are secret, others that are not. (specifically, some feature people who shouldn't be on the internet)

these are not:

whoa - i had a second drink? i never have a second drink! it must be my birthday! or almost, anyway.

crazy mara and heatherfeather

mara works as a teppan chef. because sushi boat doesn't have one on saturday nights?

the fake tattoo from claire's

the birthday girls!

random

when my medicine cabinet door squeaks, it sounds like a stereotype of a 1920's gangster.

"oh, a wise guy, eh? you wanna talk to mugsy, eh?"

and every time i hear the name mugsy, i think of that lame dude dressed like a 1920's gangster at that place in new york that's like a slum version of milk and honey... east side company bar?

i thought i was way more moderate than this.

You are a Social Moderate (41% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (13% permissive) You are best described as a: Strong Democrat Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

(thanks steve for the link)

back to the things i should do more, especially once i graduate

really high on that list is take pictures...

maybe even with my film camera.

but my friends james and annie (filmmakers, both) take such lovely stills that it makes me want to start taking photos again.

t twisty tee

t twisty tee
Originally uploaded by swandive00.

visual of how badly i knit after joining the arms to the body. of the sweater. this isn't about some weird torture ritual.

pretend words

these are words and/or phrases that are either new to my lexicon or old favorites.

they're not real, or they don't make sense but semaphoria and i tend to use them:

zooks
physically linked
knoe
gnomosexual
yeep
just added: yayoga!

there are likely more. that's all i can think of now.

ow, my head hurt

last night turned into a migraine night out of nowhere.

i started feeling better after the vomiting ended.

yeah.

it's better now. neeeeed coffee.

It would keep him busy

i may have already posted this.

but the ridiculosity of the title is not what i would like to discuss.

what i would like to discuss is how freakishly hyperextended my hitchhiker's thumb is on the left side of the picture. i've always known it was around 90-degrees (probably closer to 75 or 80) but that looks creepy.

and also, there's a book called knitting for dogs. which i would have bought if it would have helped me teach ernie to knit.

but instead it has pansy-ass little dog clothes.

um, hi, i can count

so i couldn't figure out why the head of the nautie was SO much bigger than its body when they were both 36 stitches in circumfrence and the same yarn. in fact, i even decreased the head to 30 stitches.

well, it turns out that i had 6 stitches on 3 dpns.

let's see. 6 x 3 = 36 oh, 18.

i'm trying again in colors i like more. and with the right amount of stitches.

sakes alive!

i have a computer again.

not only that but it only takes like 30 seconds to boot up - it was taking around 15-60 minutes before.

geek squad, although you misquoted your price to me and made me pay the higher, unquoted price and i got your manager and argued with you until you let me pay the quoted price, i love you.

finally - an answer

well, i got an answer to the question i never asked from my trip to DC.

what the heck is this plastic baby doing up there?

well, it's a tape baby that's part of the storker project. scroll near the bottom, it's drop #10.

2 unrelated things

i hate starbucks for their effective advertising. i have been wanting their green tea latte forever because in concept it sounds lovely, but have been put off by the "hint of melon" they talk about. so i ordered it sans melon. and it sort of tastes like fish with a sweet aftertaste.

i think i done blowed up thomas' head.

mother's day

today is my mother's day.

my sister was emailing me pictures of a mother's day card i made for my mom a few years ago. by a few, i mean like 23 or so.

they didn't come through but, oh, how i will post them.

i love you, momma.

i'm pretty sure pei lo mein will kill me

so it goes.

not one shot of the rolled jeans made it.

however, it turns out that particular skill is like riding a bike.

and let's all go to chris' blog and encourage him to start pegging his jeans since he likes them.

sometimes i'm goodie goodie, right now i'm nautie nautie

i done made a nautie.

sort of, i only did one tentacle, and couldn't do the head correctly.

although you can't see the colors in this shot, i hate this and will make another one later. it's pink and green with a white head which was too big, so it's just ill-fated in general. however, the pattern's totally fun and easy and i did it watching chronicles of narnia last night.

and may i recommend NOT using bryspun dpns for this project? they're too bendy for how tightly you need to knit it.

where's the party? i want to free my soul!

special hello and happy birthday to villanovababy for hosting an amazing 80's prom and extra shout out to her for inviting and graciously hosting pei lo mein and i.

too much fun, my pictures were limited, but she will have some awesome ones for certain!

Hi kids!

hopefully my computer will be done in the next few days or so.

and here's a picture that will make you think ernie's well trained. he's not, he didn't know he had food on his head.

but in the meantime, knitting! and for those of you who come here for these shots for purposes other than admiring my knitting, i say thpbllllllllllllllllll, and i get it.

before i show you this, i will say i went through these pics and chose the ones which were the least racky because, honestly, i'm not trying to do racky pictures.

on that note, lelah v.2

FO report:

pattern: lelah from knittingforboozehags.com
yarn: lion brand microspun in royal blue:
needles: addi turbos 8s and 7s
started: dunno
finished: dunno (i'm all about the details, clearly)
mods: made it a halter, added short rows. I did about 3 inches regular, wrapped 5 stitches on each side for short rows, knit a few more rows, split it up the middle, and fudged it til it looked about right, then knit the straps up and kitchenered them together. poorly.

an open letter to designers of yoga wear

dear designers,

stop making yoga tanks so low cut and scoop-necked. or if you must, please account that bust size scoop necks aren't proportional in the same way as regular sizing, and make them go higher in front so i don't spend the whole yoga class wondering how long until i flash someone.

sincerely,
heatherfeather

i must not have good genes jeans

yesterday, i was sitting on the new baby with the same name as the old baby and my very favoritest jeans ripped in a most unseemly crotchal area.

i've discussed before my shape issues and boy-cut jeans, and have since revised my assessment. i still have the straight seeming non-waist (i taper slowly to the bust, but it looks like i'm more straight than not) but baby, i do got some back. so the only place my circumfrence nips in somewhat normally is in my lower back. (SOOO not my own back, thanks for asking)

i got a $50 gift card for old navy at christmas, which i'd never used, so i decided to buy jeans with that. and i wear 2 different sizes of jeans. the smaller on in the boy-cut style (without waist shaping) and the bigger in regular boot cut. i also wear the smaller size in the curvy style jeans with lots of waist and booty shaping.

in the boycut jeans, it accommodates my non-waist really well, no squeezing on my sides, but with an unseemly gap in the back where my booty DOES stick out.

in the boot cut, it is just sort of ill-fitting all around my waist and booty - sometimes squeezy, others loose all in one pair.

the curvy jeans make my booty look decent, keep it covered, and squeeze my sides.

so i bought one of each - two were on clearance for $17 apiece and the other were $24.50

when i get a real job i will get my jeans tailored so i can start wearing things that fit.

peek

FO lelah v.2 unblocked
Originally uploaded by swandive00.

un-blocked, ribbon free.

but lelah v.2 is completely knitted.

and ugly arm fat is hott. in my head.

coming on summer - slip me some skin

my calla is plugging along.

if by plugging along you mean, i haven't worked on it in over a week. however on a whim, while i was waiting for my chinese food before class last wednesday, i went to jo-ann's and bought some royal blue lion brand microspun and decided to make another lelah.

the one i made last year out of microspun was my first lace. see?

and it was also before i wrapped my little brain around short rows. so the top portion is around 9 inches to accomodate my, ahem, parts. and the back is also around 9 inches, which means it looks ugly from behind. so a few days ago, i ripped it back with the intent of adding short rows.

and i started my new lelah in royal blue. this one is gonna be a halter.

this is my second attempt at the top - i had it about 70% finished this weekend when i realized my short rows were too low, too wide, and my halter straps were about the width of the kenai river. so i ripped it back, redid the short rows (and figured out if you pick up BOTH the wraps like it says in all the instructions for wrapped short rows anywhere it gets rid of the holes) with help from the big girl knits with their section on short rows (and how to take your nipple distance and your tasteful nipple distance - 2 inches wider than ND - so that the short rows don't terminate there). see my short rows?

god bless the camera phone.

and i'm taking votes on the ribbon color. i've had white and yellow suggested.

It would keep him busy

It would keep him busy
Originally uploaded by swandive00.

dear editors,

please don't make these jokes too easy.

thanks,
heatherfeather

but there are no coins worth less than a penny

[the scene - supertarget. heatherfeather approaches a cashier in the express lane with a single bottle of weed killer]

• cashier: did you find everything you needed?
• heatherfeather: yes. thank you.
• cashier: that's $3.77. do you want to sign up for a targetcard and get 10% off your purchase today?
• heatherfeather: [looks at him for about 15 seconds to see if he's kidding] no, thanks.
• cashier: oh. but you could save nearly 38 cents.
• heatherfeather: so 37 cents?
• cashier: yeah, i guess you shouldn't do this on a purchase where you'd actually get less than 10%. or save anything less than a fiver.

the geek squad is truly staffed by geeks

but hopefully i'll have my computer back (with a new hard drive - big enough to hold my music. however this experience has made me happy that i back everything up with an external hard drive) by the end of the week.

woot!

holy moly, has it been a year?

it's been over a year since ernie threw a cinco de mayo party.

i feel a serious funk in general with regard to the blog, mostly because i blog about pretty mundane stuff and it is never something that you feel like you should remember for 3-4 days.

anyhow, thanks to pei lo mein, i'm internetting, and she's reading me her journal.

in her journal, she said that she met me and that i "rock".

woot.

rocktastic, people. rocktastic.

living plain

so living without a computer again is just surreal.

i haven't really missed blogging, but i miss reading blogs.

i have nothing really interesting to say.

so, um, later.

731 days ago

i moved into the tiny house section of this house in altitude city with the help of someone i haven't talked to since june of 2004 after a 1.5 day drive with a rowdy dog and some clothes that flew out of the back of someone else's truck somewhere in arizona.

if i remember correctly, i unloaded my crap from my friend's truck, tried to find somewhere to get food (traffic was awful on federal as it was the cinco de mayo crawl thingie), i was starving and it took me forever to find somewhere to eat. not knowing there was an amazing mexican restaurant around the corner from my house.

i dug out some blankets and a pillow, laid out on the only carpeted floor in my apartment and slept fitfully with my dog that first night. i believe i cried myself to sleep for reasons unrelated to the move, the apartment, or the city.

i've had the same address for two years. the last time that happened, um... i think it was the house i grew up in until i moved out to go to college 11 years ago.

whoa.

why i am a bad friend

so, alpineflower (no blog? what? who doesn't have a blog these days?) and i are going to go to the lamb shoppe in the future... it's the new lys in denver on 12th and... jackson maybe? she had suggested going this weekend, but i declined saying i have no $$.

do you see where this is going yet?

well, i was at school working on homework and workwork before yoga, and i finished and had like an hour before yoga started. not quite enough time to go home.

and the lamb shoppe was on my way.

oi. it's so purty. it's next to an ice cream shop. i bought yarn. specifically, i bought debbie bliss cathay in teal with which to make calla since the frog tree isn't working for that particular pattern.

i ran into cynthia.

so the bad news is, i couldn't wait to go to the lamb shoppe. however, the good news is i want to go back again and again and again. oh, wait. that's still sort of bad news, moneywise. anyhow, alpine flower, i suck. but i totally want to go back and spend some more time touching and smelling yarn, sipping coffee and knitting there.