with my superhuman might

i woke up with 3 doors down's "kryptonite" stuck in my head.

the song where they are so influenced by pink floyd they had to mention dark side of the moon in the first verse. twice.

rows and rows of big dark clouds

(completely unrelated to this post, i've become a far more nocturnal creature since i've been in california - which also, unsurprisingly, correlates to my unemployededness. and i totally didn't make that word up)

people have intermittently told me for years that i should listen to patty griffin. did i? nooooooo. because i'm a nerdface. wanna know what it took to get me to listen to patty griffin?

it was an episode in the second season of joan of arcadia. yeah, i said it. (and i'll also say, that there was a different episode from the first season which i still purport to be one of my favorite hours of television, like, ever) it was when joan bought her brother a kite that he had wanted for several years. in the background, they were playing patty griffin's "kite song". the line that leapt out at me was:

made of something light as nothing
it's still my favorite line in that song... but that whole album (impossible dream, for those of you keeping track at home) is stellar. stellar stellar stellar. especially "mother of god" which is my favorite song on there... she verbalizes the transcendent in the mundane. it's accessible and it's genius. she realizes it lyrically and musically.

her music is pretty sparse, but the music i gravitate toward tends to be. not only does it appeal to my aesthetic* but it's also the type of music i can realize on my own with just me and my guitar, piano, or dulcimer.

i'm getting too wordy. the thing that i've been meaning to say this whole post is that i bought a new patty griffin cd the other night: 1000 kisses. which is a TOTALLY chick title for an album. but so it goes. she's a chick, so am i. however, the reason i bought it is for her song "rain". that song has not been out of my head since the first time i heard it last wednesday. i've learned to play it on guitar, have most of the lyrics learned. as i've said to erik quite a bit, it's just the right amount of sad.

i have a hard time describing precisely what appeals to me, musically. it's much more of a visceral and emotional reaction than any other art form. i can verbalize why i like certain paintings, writing, theater - but music is much more chthonic and physical. there's a certain ache that i seek in music. when i say ache, i mean a physical ache. the songs i love the most give me a dull and tingling (can it be both?) ache just above my uterus when i hear them. they don't have to be slow and contemplative - take "chief" for instance. it inspires me to try to write music. (making it all that much more disappointing when the music i write is crap)

i'm overtired. i started this post a good 45 minutes ago and don't know how to get out of it. unless i do it the cheap way, and end with a link to patty griffin's myspace page... hey, that's an idea. maybe i'll finish this properly later.

maybe not.

*i hate classic rock because it's SO overwhelming to me, contemporary jazz because it's too self-indulgent and arrogant, most pop because it's too overproduced/compressed/slick/glossy. i think the most beautiful music is found in what's left unsaid - it's not music without the silence between the notes. but likewise, i respect your right to like whatever kind of music you want. even if it's totally crappy.

the sock curse continues

snowflake sock
Originally uploaded by swandive00.

this is my snowflake sock. 'tis frogged by now. see, but this time, it wasn't a boredom with socks issue...

the problem is with stupid addi. their addi naturas US2 are 3mm, whereas a standard US2 is 2.75 mm. so when i'd put it on and it was baggy, this is why. however, unbeknownst to me, i have an addi turbo in a US2. why the turbos are 2.75mm and not the naturas is a little beyond me. however, the join in the naturas was precisely the right size to catch every.single.stitch that crossed over it.

anyhow, i recast for the snowflake sock earlier and did 2 whopping rows of the cuff.

i can't let myself say i'm not a sock knitter until i COMPLETE a whole entire pair and make that decision. i'm also holding out until i can knit a pair of fun little kneesocks that will hopefully be large enough to be tight around my dainty little ankles without cutting off circulation to my gigantic filipino calves. maybe even striped (the socks, not the calves). who knows?

(and i'm about 2" inches into the final sleeve on rogue v.2. woot!)

paper dolls

I am a paper dolls!
Find your own pose!

i am lining up my heros like big paper dolls...

let it be known, i am an enormously light sleeper. i don't think that i've ever slept through anything in my life before. it takes me forever to get used to a new sleeping situation - whether that be in a new apartment, having rearranged my furniture, staying over at someone's house, and it takes me days and days and days and days to be able to sleep through a night. that being said, i find it enormously comforting to have people sleep in my bed (no, not in that way) even if it means that i don't sleep. what i find terribly interesting is this description:

Paper Dolls Traits and Tendencies : Paper Dolls don't do well when separated; they need regular physical contact to keep in sync. If forced to remain apart for a stretch any longer than eight to ten hours, they can sometimes feel untethered, or even dizzy. But once reunited, all it takes is the simple brush of fingers, or a surreptitious foot-on-foot press under the table, and all is right with the Paper Dolls once again.
THAT is too true. i'm the sort of person that is very hands on. when watching a movie, when just passing through a room, when driving, i find myself sneaking contact and fleeting touches. i love to lay my head on chests, i love when heads are laid on mine. i frequently touch the back of a neck apropos of nothing. the pressing of one sock foot over another under the table. and that is what centers me.

i'm feeling the need to restrain myself right now because i have another post i want to do, but i know that 4 posts in one day after nothing in 4 days is pretty overwhelming. so i'll wait until later.

thanks, erin, for the link....

sunday in the park with george. er, with mr. pants.

yesterday, mr. pants and i went on a picnic. we went to ford park in redlands, where we munched on english cheddar and gouda from henry's, fuli apples, green grapes, and burgers. (really? burgers?) then we wandered around the duck pond looking at the mallards (there are few words as fun as "mallards". say it out loud. then say the "r" for a really long time. "mallarrrrrrrrrrds."). we went to the other pond and watched a chocolate lab doing retriever training. we talked about wind and water and gooey stuff and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and jobs and all sorts of stuff.

then i had to pee and i don't use park bathrooms because i'm a princess, so we left the park and went to starbucks because they usually have clean bathrooms.

we didn't finish our food so we went to the gardens outside the prospect park carriage house to eat the rest of our cheese and fruit and burgers. (wait, still you had burgers? really?) we looked at the flowers, the bees, the sky, the clouds. i got interested in trying to take worm's eye pictures of mr. pants with the macro lens, but because of the distance between me and the bottom of his shoe, i didn't quite realize my initial vision. and when i was lying on the ground when he was sitting on the picnic table, he decided to pour water on me. which was funny in that i totally didn't believe he'd do it.

then we came home, and watched the amazing race.

and amazing end to an amazing day.

to see the pictures, click on the retriever. go on. you know you want to see my water-soaked shorts.

tonight on fox: when dyelots lie

the body of rogue v.2 and one of its sleeves is finished. i finished the hood this morning, went back and frogged the sleeve cap of the sleeve to make it 2" longer (i'd rather have too-long sleeves than too-short sleeves, and it was DEFINITELY too short), finished the ends on the body and the sleeve.

then i washed the body to get off some of the lanolin, work out the tension issues, and to get it clean after a month and a half of kntting off and on.

then i laid it out to dry on my bedroom floor (it's a little luxurious not having a dog that i have to worry about walking on a knitting object or shedding on the floor)

rogue v.2

i enjoyed my three needle bind-off on the hood. last time i tried my hand at grafting, which isn't a great technique to try to learn on cables. so this time, i bound them off in pattern. it looks nicer! as does my grafting of the hood to the cables! (it's not immaculate, but it's pretty consistent, nonetheless)

rogue v.2 003

then, i looked again. what the? is that a line?

rogue v.2 004

i have no idea if you can see it on your monitor, but the hood is pretty drastically lighter than the body. and i started a new skein on the hood. and i used the rest of that skein to extend the length of the sleeve, so there's a line too. and i have one skein left. and a sleeve takes about 7/8 of a skein. (of paton's classic in too teal, if you were curious). i double checked all the ball bands (hee!) and sure enough, these are all from the same dyelot.

so, i'm hoping that since it's on the hood and not a light section in the middle of the body, and at the sleeve cap it won't be all that noticeable. because i don't have any extra yarn. and truth be told, i don't feel like reknitting the freaking hood again.

so it stands.


i think i did it again

i cute more off of my hair. hahaha, that was a total freudian typo. i was going to say i "cut" more off my hair.

and i also put wacky red and blonde highlights in it.

i've got to play with it to get it styled the way i like it, but it's going to be too much fun.

i haven't had hair this short since i was in college. it's like i'm 22 all over again. woot!

more pics here.

avast, me hearties

it be talk like a pirate day!

so, a pirate walks into a barrrrrrrrrr with a ship's wheel attached to the front o' his trousers. the bartender asks, "what is that ship's wheel for, see?" the pirate says, "i don't know, but it's been drivin' me nuts all day!"

arr.... pirates be here....

darn kids...

i let the lady off the needles after nine languishing months, folded her, and caught her sneaking down the stairs before blocking, unwashed, and with her ends all akimbo!

but she's been washed now (in the machine, on a gentle cycle, in a lingerie bag) with a dollop of gentle detergent, and is drying. the bummer is, the washing really flattened out her more characteristic rustic texture (the one that jess loved so much she decided not to block it at all!) but it bought me some length, which was needed drastically for wrapping purposes and wearing as a shawl. also of marked difference from jess' is my choice of the noro silk garden colorway (too lazy to find the label to give you the number at the moment) which has bright colors which pop out from the more muted greys, blacks and navys (i lov the peacock, red, and green squares - the purple's fun too!) which had drastic contrasts from one block to the next.

anyhow, i'll do the crocheted border (maybe) and the fringe (definitely - that will dress this lady up for work wear) in the next few days, and do proper pictures with an official FO report.

peace out, yo.

knitting attention deficit disor- hey! something shiny!

i usually have one, maybe 2, knitting projects going at once.

but today i've knit on five separate WIPs, which include the snowflake sock that i cast on last night, knit an inch or so on, tried it on and realized the cuff would cut circulation to my feet, frogged, and re-cast on this morning with a doubled 3.00mm needle, and then reknit 2 inches.

i've also worked on the mysterious unphotographed rogue v.2 sleeve #1, mr. pants black as midnight scarf, sizzle, and the long-suffering lady eleanor (which hasn't been seen on this here blog since april, in another post about knitting ADD). the good news about eleanor is that i'm on the last skein of yarn before i do the fringies and will be slightly over 6'x2'.

i've been re-energized on m'lady in that i can finally see the end and that i'm getting really leery of the rogue sleeve because i am pretty sure it will be too short, as in rogue #1, i can't see the stitches of the scarf, i don't really like knitting socks, and sizzle is booooooooooooring to knit and that i'm unlikely to ever wear it. if i skip yoga tonight (which i might - i've got the incredibly sexy affliction of an oral abcess and have been running a low grade fever) i may even finish knitting her, can bathe her, and will be able to infringe her by tomorrowif she dries enough.

no pictures today, obviously.

attention, please

in semaphoriaspeak, gnew gnitty!!

you may now resume your normal business.

important enough to reiterate

okay, my unfortunate use of the word "pickles" in this post has led people to wonder whether the rabbit died. you know, if there's a bun in the oven. if i'm in a family way.

the answer is no, and shame on you* for wondering. the choice of the word pickles was of an inside joke with myself that is pretty esoteric. and i failed to forget that stereotypically, women crave pickles when they're knocked up. which, i cannot repeat enough, I AM NOT.

*except maryam, because i could never tell her shame on her, because she's too darn tootin' cute.


taking a break from pickles (what's interesting is that i hate pickles, but chose the word pickles because it's a little inside joke that i'm the only one who will probably understand the joke behind pickles).

anyhow i went to the batting cages this morning since it was under 100 degrees before noon for the first time in days and days. i started in the 50 mph hardball cage, did a few rounds, practiced switch hitting in one round of slow pitch softball, and moved up to the 60 mph hardball cage.

the 60 mph cage is a decent one for me right now, because i have to work a lot harder to make contact with the ball, much less hit it well. in my last round (which would have wound up being my last regardless), the ball was wild, and slammed into my thumb, index, middle, and ring fingers of my left hand at whatever speed 60 mph plus however fast i was swinging the bat was.

it's swollen. i tried taking pictures of it, but they didn't come out well, so i took a comparison picture. which just shows me that my hands look old.

left hand swollen and purple right hand for contrast
(left to right: swollen, not swollen)

anyhow, i'm still knitting stuff lately, too. mr. pants asked for a scarf, in black. i've never knitted with black yarn before but it's difficult to see what you're knitting. especially if your sister requires low lighting indoors at all times. anyhow, i had thought that i'd make a pattern with broken rib in squares, grouped into blocks of 4 squares, but the squares of the broken rib weren't coming out well. so i changed to squares of seed stitch, grouped in blocks of 4.

pants scarf 001

pants scarf 002

it's also tricksy to photograph stitch definition in black yarn, but it's what pants wants. and what pants wants, pants gets. except when i overrule him. for those of you playing along at home, the yarn is patons satin in ebony on US7 needles. even though the blocks are divided by stockinette, it also is effective to flip it over, and have the blocks framed by reverse stockinette. i am a dodo and didn't take a picture of that.

but i did take pictures of a really boring looking WIP.

sizzle 001

see? nothing all that exciting right now. it's wendy's sizzle. i'm using the brown sheep cotton fleece from the first honeymoon cami, in sedona. i did not remember to take a picture of rogue number 2 in an annoyingly bright teal. i'm really not sure about the color. when i was in the store looking at the color (patons classic merino in too teal) i thought, "hey, i wear bright colors" but i'm wondering if i'll wear this one. however, i've got the body, the back, and one sleeve done. i need to do the hood and another sleeve still. too far in to surrender, basically.

aaaaaaaaaaaand, i'm spent.

cannonball into the water

without being too specific, i am at a bit of a crossroads right now. i have to weigh my actual desire for a tangible outcome, see if i really want it. (to limit the number of times i say "it" we'll refer to the unnameable "it" as "pickles.") and if i really want pickles, how much i really want pickles. and if wanting pickles as much as i do is really enough to make this choice. because if i go through with this, there will be significant unpleasantness to get there, there will be significant struggle to stay there, and very few will ever know how much i had to go through to come out the other side.

this isn't about a person (i.e, pants and i are doing wonderfully - he's only vaguely related to the issue at hand), but is deeply rooted in me and this tangible thing. i appear to be cryptic, but i can't really talk about pickles on the internet. however my instincts are to talk about things on the internet, so i have to do it in a way that's really confusing for y'all. sorry, y'all.

anyhow i recently heard something that makes me think that i don't want pickles badly enough. i don't even know if i want pickles at all. and i think my gut has been telling me that for a long time, but that i'm going to wind up riding this wave until it dashes me up against the shore, battered and gasping for air.

because i'm afraid that getting off now will leave me wondering "whatif?" for the rest of my life.

and this is my ONLY chance get pickles. i hope i have the stomach for pickles.

edited to add: hi kids! after getting some emails, IMs, text messages and phone calls, i feel it's really important for me to say that I AM NOT PREGNANT. that is all.

another story about pukes on his tie

following up to my preceding story about pukes on his tie, i was reminded of another run-in i had with him.

at the prospective students weekend, there is a social gathering at a pub/restaurant sort of thing where potential students come to meet with current students at my school. i went to this my first year, to the lazy dog tavern and met up with some friends. while there, pukes on his tie was already there, and pretty likkered up.

he kept following me around and telling me how the police are within their rights to pull you over for riding your bike intoxicated, but that he rides his bike while intoxicated because they almost never do, and he's probably not going to kill anyone.

about 2 hours later, having moved over to the stadium, we were getting ready to leave. unbeknownst to me, pukes on his tie showed up there too. as i was standing outside waiting for the people i was driving (i was DD - usually am) and he wobbily rode up to me on my bike.

and said, "i'm terrible with names, but i'll never forget yours, danielle."

rememberies presented in a not-so-lucid, highly tangential manner

in october 2004, i posted a story about the proof that our administrator in grad school would post ANYTHING on the student listerv. among remarkable things of note, i appear to have used capitalization in my sentences and of proper nouns, and not merely as a way to illuminate words and phrases of GREAT IMPORTANCE.

but i am losing my grip here. i'll give you a minute to get over your astonishment.


okay, well anyhow, the sentence that i captioned in that letter ending in "...committing my first major faux pa [sic] of the night, and hurled all over my tie in the back yard." gave that guy the nickname that would haunt him all through grad school: Pukes on his Tie. well, he was also called dauber because he looked like dauber from coach*.

anyhow, the other memorable section in that embarassing letter posted to the listserv, pukes on his tie tells a story regarding how after he hurled on his tie, he considered going inside, brushing his teeth and getting someone to make out with him, because he'd done it before**. thankfully, he passed out before he could try his sweet, sweet moves on any of us chicks.

*while doing a google search for images of dauber***, i found a blog devoted to the show coach by someone who's neither a fan nor remembers the show that well. also, bill fagerbakke was born in fontucky?

**crystal posted a comment about how she made out with a guy and found out he had just thrown up all over the floor which is why i thought of pukes on his tie...

edited to add: *** it appears i forgot to ever link to a picture of dauber but linked to fagerbakke's IMDB website. i'm such a dingbat tonight.


Originally uploaded by swandive00.

eight years ago, i had long hair, was totally skinny, had nary a wrinkle and was good at crossword puzzles.

today, things are a little different.

but this is my favorite picture of me possibly ever.

sappy girl

  • i was being a girl tonight (a.k.a. watching grey's anatomy which i primarily love for the sure fire cry and incredible music) when i fell in love with joshua radin's "the fear you won't fall*" (hear it on myspace!)
  • mr. pants is taking a trip tomorrow. it's stupid, but it's the first time we'll be in different states since we've been together. he'll be back before i would normally see him again. but because i am a cheeseball, i will miss him. we spent the whole weekend with each other's families - nuclear and extended. it was a very good weekend indeed.
  • grey's anatomy is my current obsession. how was i not watching this earlier than the summer rerun season?
  • and i feel sadness for bindie sue and bob and terri.

* "the fear you won't fall"
joshua radin

Digging a hole and the walls are caving in
Behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying
I'm breathing in
Come find me
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than was better than
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
Can't get my mind off of you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you


the september magknits is up. and of all things, i like a lot of the patterns. usually i find them pretty hit or miss, but the majority of them are decent!

and i find myself thinking that i'll try a top down sock to see if i like that better, and that i'll start with the snowflake sock.

and i further think that i'll frog the long-suffering elfine's socks and use the knitpicks essentials to try them out.

you may return to your long weekend.

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erratically updated for food, yarn, or other nonspecified reasons