cannonball into the water

without being too specific, i am at a bit of a crossroads right now. i have to weigh my actual desire for a tangible outcome, see if i really want it. (to limit the number of times i say "it" we'll refer to the unnameable "it" as "pickles.") and if i really want pickles, how much i really want pickles. and if wanting pickles as much as i do is really enough to make this choice. because if i go through with this, there will be significant unpleasantness to get there, there will be significant struggle to stay there, and very few will ever know how much i had to go through to come out the other side.

this isn't about a person (i.e, pants and i are doing wonderfully - he's only vaguely related to the issue at hand), but is deeply rooted in me and this tangible thing. i appear to be cryptic, but i can't really talk about pickles on the internet. however my instincts are to talk about things on the internet, so i have to do it in a way that's really confusing for y'all. sorry, y'all.

anyhow i recently heard something that makes me think that i don't want pickles badly enough. i don't even know if i want pickles at all. and i think my gut has been telling me that for a long time, but that i'm going to wind up riding this wave until it dashes me up against the shore, battered and gasping for air.

because i'm afraid that getting off now will leave me wondering "whatif?" for the rest of my life.

and this is my ONLY chance get pickles. i hope i have the stomach for pickles.

edited to add: hi kids! after getting some emails, IMs, text messages and phone calls, i feel it's really important for me to say that I AM NOT PREGNANT. that is all.

5 comments:

Monstee Thursday, September 07, 2006 5:08:00 am  

mmmMMMMmmmpickles.....

hmmmmm.... pickles....

Well, not really know what you am talking about... me would say that weather or not to get pickles am the choice of every...
deli shopper? You takes you number and waits you turn and you knows what you wants and then you start debating weather or not you wants the pickles. You don't know if the pickles am going to be dill or sweet and desire to get the pickles you want vs. having to deal with the pickles when they are the pickles you don't really want after all... well, that's not really fair to the pickles now am that? Yeah, you got you roast beef, but what about the pickles?

Tough decision kiddo. Me would say keep us informed, but me not really sure what me talking bout.

alpineflower Thursday, September 07, 2006 10:29:00 am  

Hold It Up To The Light, friend. I'm totally with you on the whole crossroads thing. Hope it doesn't stress you out too much - and I'm with Monstee: keep us informed on what you decide, even though we have no clue about the pickles. :)

littlegoat Thursday, September 07, 2006 11:58:00 am  

Forget about pickles. It sounds unnecessarily stressful. Enjoy your life.

(I wonder what I just advised you to do. hehe)

jay are Thursday, September 07, 2006 11:59:00 am  

Whoa! Maybe if you'd said "donuts" instead of "pickles" it would've all been crystal clear. But actually, I think I see where you're standing, and it sounds a bit deep and scary---kind of like being on the edge of a cliff....jump or no?? The thing is, no matter what you pick, you'll always be able to say "what if"...But why bother??
Good luck!! I'm rooting for the best one, whichever it is. (Isn't that helpful?)

ed.k Thursday, September 07, 2006 2:29:00 pm  

Maybe you can ask yourself why you want pickles? Is it simply because it was some lifelong dream to have pickles, or will only pickles make you happy? Have you always wanted pickles, or are pickles something that would be nice if you could have it, and now its within your grasp? Do you need pickles? Can you live with or without pickles? (My apologies to U2.)

I suppose asking you more questions isn't exactly helping, but maybe the answers to those questions can help answer the big question on whether or not to obtain pickles. Either way, (start big cliche that is nevertheless true) offer it up to you know who and trust that you'll be guided to the right decision, and stick by it. If you go for pickles and realize that its a mistake, you can stop going for pickles. And if you decide not to go for pickles and think that to be a mistake, I know that something better than pickles will come along. (end big cliche)

But whatever these pickles are, they better be Vlassic. If there's no anthropomorphic cartoon stork/pelican/whatever kind of bird he is wearing glasses, forget about it!

About this blog

erratically updated for food, yarn, or other nonspecified reasons