Just when you think you know yourself...

I heard from someone I haven't heard from in about 7 or 8 months. I got an email, an updated blog address, and a life synopsis that was both too short and too long. But the thing that's killing me is that I suspect he's already read this and... Or if he hasn't read it and I give him the address... well, that I'll be self-conscious of the person that I have become and my metamorphoses over the last 5 years. That I'm not a good enough, existentialist enough, profound enough, or even interesting enough writer for his standards. Because as a writer, he is all of those things. Eloquent in ways I could never dream. I know I'm a good writer, I know I like who and what I've become, I know that I wouldn't travel backwards in time for love or money.

So why do I feel that I don't measure up? Why do I permit this person this power over me where there was none? Since I permitted it in the first place, I suppose the power's mine to revoke at will as well.

Permission revoked.