in reverie, in vivo

my dreams are vivid. they are detailed and heavily plot-intensive; if i can remember it clearly enough to recount it to another person once, i will remember it forever. there are characters, storylines, plots, subplots, intrigue, and in at least one incident, a soundtrack. my dreams are vibrant and in pulsating technicolor. typically, colors play a significant role in my memories of dreams. (note to self: use "memories of dreams" if writing angsty, bad poetry.) in those dreams, i am often myself realized to a single extreme. more often than not, i am everything i have ever wanted to be, because these are after all, my dreams. (however, not always)

when sleeping, i am kind, generous, funny, clever beyond expectation. my shrewdness never outweighs my compassion. i can say the right thing at the right time. i don't hurt anyone, with or without intention. the challenges i face make me stronger, and i can enumerate the ways in which they do. i never feel beaten down or overwhelmed - the price of lessons learned are never too dear a cost.

conversely, albeit less frequently, i also have my flaws magnified - my impatience, my stubbornness, my ego, my self-righteousness. but each challenge makes me stronger. but without fail, the greater lesson comes when i awake, faced with my knowledge of my penchant for these.

i don't think of myself as a hippie-dippy new age sorta gal (but i have been accused of being a "dirty hippie" on more than one occasion - still trying to figure out why). i can be, and am often pragmatic to a fault. people think i'm brave and realize my dreams because they are dreams - i do this because i am pushy to a fault with myself, and am afraid to try 325 other ways to make myself better and stronger. but i do have an idealistic streak a mile wide that i force myself to temper with knowledge so i descend into neither naivete nor cynicsm. i laugh at myself when i'm ridiculous in my dreams. but each challenge, each success, makes me stronger and more knowledgeable. and the greater lesson comes when i awake, faced with the knowledge for my penchant for each of these.