So tonight I'm feeling a little sad and lonely... It happens every winter, but it's been easy so far. I survived November which is a task in of itself... the next true test comes in February. The one thing that I've still not mastered is not wanting what I haven't got (a la Sinead). Which is a mixed blessing... it keeps me from settling for less, but it also keeps me from settling in. Patty Griffin is brilliant, she says:
In the middle of the night
We try and try with all our mights
To light a little light down here
In the middle of the night
We dream of a million kites
Flying high above
The sadness and the fear
I want to be a kite. I just want to put some light out there wherever I can. Not so that I can know that I did it, but so that someone else can have some light where they might not have had it before. Because it's sad and scary to not have any.
There's this stubborn idealistic streak in me which is also my curse. I want everyone to have a safe place to call their own. To love and be loved. To find peace in the maelstrom that is the world, even for a moment. To never be hungry or cold. To live without fear. To speak truth wherever they go, whatever they do. To learn to listen to and love themselves...
One of the reasons that I love Joan of Arcadia is that it hasn't lost its hope. It sees the anger and loaghing and apathy in the world, and it tries in its own way to fight against it. One of the best episodes was where Joan met Rocky, a boy with CF... a disease that has played its part in my life, and especially my sister's.
I'm getting more and more maudlin as this progresses which tells me one of 2 things: I need to go to bed or I need to be around people who are bright and effusive. Well, it looks like the former, my bright and effusive ones are currently out of reach. Until tomorrow anyway. Tomorrow I'll be surrounded with crazyfun people, cocky people, funny people, slightly odd in the good way people, corny people... but tonight... tonight I need a good book and a warm bed. maybe a box of kleenex not so far away.
If wishes were horses...
Snowbells? What in the heck is a snowbell?
It snowed here quite a bit the other day. It made driving yesterday less than fun, and slightly annoying today. I had to buy a snow shovel. I shoveled half of the walk before my upstairs neighbor came out and said he'd do it for me. (btw, he hasn't yet) I bought a second doormat for the top of the stairs that lead to my door, and an indoor utility rug to sop up the stuff that doesn't get sopped up by the first two doormats. Ernie loves the snow. He no longer runs when outside, he frolics like a little dog-goat creature (not a guyascutus... a word from a long-ago game of Balderdash with the mom, the sis, and the fred). Many years ago when I would admit to being a voice student, I had to sing a German song called Schneeglocken which means snowbells. Didn't know what that was then, still don't know now.
It's almost time for me to put up my tiny, fake Christmas tree. Good thing it's a 4-footer, because anything much bigger wouldn't fit. It's fake because I'm a sneezy creature. But I told Mara she could help decorate it because she never even had a Hanukkah bush while growing up. So we'll have a tree-decking party at my house, and a latke and dreidle party at hers. Yay!
shameless solicitation
No, not THAT kind of solicitation. But the kind that says, it's Advent, here's my wishlist so you have plenty of time before I go to California!
- Amazon wishlist
- Subaru Outback LL Bean Edition
- New slippers of the toasty, but not over the ankle variety
- gilded latte bowls
- Sheets for my bed in full
- and for the sleeper in Queen
- something to keep me toasty
- external hard drive to store my tunes
- A little somethin' for the beastie
- Philosophy things to make me smell yummy and look sparkly
- Anything Too Faced except the lipstick (contains macadamia oil...will make my lips fuller but not in the good way)
- Bose SoundDock
Yes, it is a WISH list... but isn't it great when wishes come true???
You will be my hero if you can obtain any of the out of print items on my wishlist from amazon...
Saturday...
So today (well, technically tomorrow) is the first Sunday of Advent. I really like Advent.
I have a 4 ft prelit Christmas tree. It makes me happy. I have 2 ornaments. I'm thinking I need a couple more. I'm also really jonesing for a black cardigan. I have a brown one, winter white one, a grey duster, and a black duster, but I just want a black cardigan.
For Ernie's birthday I got him a new bed. It's 54" in diameter, and actually big enough for him. He loves it. It makes me happy that it makes him happy! I'm trying to have long enough hair for crazy bun hair again... It's not quite long enough for crazy bun hair. oh well. I'll keep growing it for that. And I have to get it highlighted again... but I must wait until December 20. My hairdresser's going to Mexico this week to get married, and won't be back until the 20th. So I'm first through the door with her.
I'm going to get an oil change... well, I'm getting one for my car. I want to buy some decorations for the tree.
This is just a brain dump. I'm not going to pretend to have any cohesive thoughts. This weekend is about resting up.
Quote of the day from Gilmore Girls: "I hate President Bush. His face is too tiny for his head."
secrets...
So, the question always comes about, whilst with child (not me), when do you drop the bomb... AND more importantly, when do you post it on your blog (again, not me), thus sharing it with the internet-lovin', googlin' world of ours? Common practice waits until 12 weeks to share the news with the general world, I'm a big fan of not waiting that long... with your friends. A lot of people worry, "What if something goes wrong?" and the dread of having to tell people who ask how the little one's doing... So that's why I think it's important to tell your family and friends early so that you CAN have the support system you need in place in case something (heaven forefend) happens. But in this case, the first doppler at 10 weeks was slightly tricky, and they had to make a follow-up appointment in 2 weeks to try again. And the mother is just slightly hesitant to post the impending bundle of joy on her blog... just until she hears the healthy heartbeat. The people she wanted to know, know. The people who don't... If it will settle her mind to hear the heartbeat in a few more days, then she should wait. By the way, I'm so excited about this little monkey... and will indeed make a trip once he or she is born... I can hardly sit still for the next 28 or so weeks... Not that I don't love all of your babies, just as much!
P.S. Anyone with Clare's email address, could you email or IM it to me please? thanks!
takers?
who wants to clean my house? i want a clean house, but am lacking the appropriate motivation to get there.
i have good products, including vacuum, fuller brush broom, and a cabinet full of sterilizers and sparkly-makers. i will cook for you (provided you clean up after that as well) and i am a wunnerful cook.
thanks.
turkey day, hold the turkey
I had a very low-energy Thanksgiving involving laundry, Miracle, and a ham.
I wish I liked ham.
