go ahead. click on the toes.

you should read the comments!

because a bonafide footwatcher (you say watcher, i say fetishist) likes pei's toes!

i'm afraid to leave my home

not from xenophobia or agoraphobia.

but because this morning the pants asked for my street address, and a few hours later asked me if anyone's come to my door today.

i have some errands to run, but my interest is piqued!

it could be because this is 6 months from our first date, and tonight we're re-enacting our first date (mexican food, and me kicking his ass at trivial pursuit) except probably shorter because said date wound up lasting 10 hours (because we were talking then i played guitar then we started watching movies, not because it was dirty, you filthy-minded scolds). it was also not going to be a date when it started, it was going to be a hanging out with a friend. but it turned into a date. and then it turned into me calling a perfectly nice man "pants" on the internet and people making fun of him for being called pants. if you're wondering, i call him pants because it makes him think he wears the pants in the relationship. and because he wears pants when he's out in public which avoids very awkward conversations when we talk to priests and very old women.

for the record, since i'm speaking of that night, here's a message for you single boys: most girls love it when you ask if you can kiss them. but it only has the magic that first time, so don't miss your opportunity. and don't shove your tongue down her throat. give a quick kiss and know that it's time to make your exit.*

*also for the record, pants did this exactly right.** i'm sure he's thrilled that i'm sharing this with you, and i'm sure vic will mock him, but if vic mocks him for this, i will make him cry. got that, vic? just so we're clear. :)

**if my dad were still alive, i'd add the caveat here that he's never actually kissed me, and we're waiting until marriage before he's allowed to kiss my hand. our fifth anniversay he'll be allowed to kiss my cheek.

too much fun, people

well, in an effort to find my camera cable, i did what any self-respecting person who knows anything about karma would do:

i bought a new one, realizing that by purchasing a new one, opening it and using it, i'd instantly find my other one.

i'm still waiting for the other, but it will reappear soon enough.

anyhow, i dropped pei off at the airport about an hour ago, and now i'm bummed, because i had a great weekend. it was so much fun! we did many things that were silly, many things that were not. in true (albeit lately somewhat neglected) heatherfeather fashion, i present the photo essay with BIG PICTURES.

we got pedicures

and pei lo mein peer pressured herself into getting flowers on her pedicure

we posed in front of the mountains at the end of my street

(good lord, i look like crap)

and pei pretended she was asian

we ate at chipotle (okay, yes, i realize they're everywhere, but whatever. it's my story)

and we ate korean bbq

(i forgot to get pictures of this, so you'll just have to pretend)

we went to the getty and saw the photography exhibit called "where we live." that was what i really wanted to see. so we went into the south building or whatever, and saw the main floor which was sorta meh, we went upstairs and looked at some classical art which was also sorta meh, and finally, i said "let's really go see where we live!" because i've never seen where we live, evidently. so we went down level, and walked in to the gallery. at which point my friend alan turned immediately around, proclaiming "this is NOT where we live." so we went down one more level. i learned that day that there are antler archways andd people camping and falling down houses where we live, but very few people. which made me sad because it's the people that interest me. anyhow, here we are over l.a. we would have taken pictures over the ocean, but the sun was setting and it would have taken out your retinas.

here's alan, too

yesterday, we went to a local winery and tasted, duh, wines. i bought a bottle of sauvignon blanc/semillion melange which was super yummy and extra dry. our friendly wine expert tim was kind enough to let me photograph him doing something wine experty, like pouring wine. or in the case of this picture, pretending to pour wine.

we also found cutout campy photograph scenarios. so i took a picture of pei who was unhappy to be stomping grapes, even WITH her excellent cleavage

(proof that lifting your skirt and having excellent cleavage doesn't make you happy)

and me, all too delighted to be hopping up and down on grapes

before taking her to the airport this morning, we had breakfast and the most excellent guasti cafe, and tried to burn a cd with pictures on it just for her. alas, it was not to be had. so i'm going to compress the photos into a bunch of zip folders and email them to her. or send her a cd through the mail, because who doesn't like getting mail? NOT ME! i miss her, and can't wait to hang out again sometime in the future... because that'd be rockalicious.

if you'd like to see all the pictures (and this WAS most of them) please feel free to click on the crossing for danger tractors thumbnail.

mother of frakkin' pearl

i can't find my camera cord.

and i've got pictures from the weekend...

grrrr............

this is gonna be a good one!

a good weekend that is.

you know why? because this lady:

is going to be here this weekend! the one, the only, pei lo mein! yay! yay pei! and the only reason i used that picture is because it's just only the best costume ever! um, hello, morning-after-geisha? yes. and her makeup was kickin'. i did it.

however, this is a better picture of the lovely pei with the lovely me:

nope, that's not it.


no! i am anjou! whoops, still not the right one...


dang it!

oooh... this has to be it. i have a good feeling about this one:

yay! this is the one i was looking for!

so this weekend, we're gonna get pedis, and hang out and eat foods, and hang out with the pants and some of the pants' friends, and go to the getty with p.l.m., pants, and my ex-bf (what? really?).

good times ahead!

the wind is ruthless, the trees shake angry fingers at the sky

how i've missed these giant winds. the kind that makes relatively young palm trees uproot themselves and commit hara kiri in front of your car, the kind that finds the tumbleweeds that were exiled from the western sets at paramount studios (the ones big enough to completely engulf a european car if so inclined). the kind that makes you lean forward with all of your strength to walk into them.

however, pants is driving up here in his fairly lightweight car through canyons and at the base of the mountain passes. where the 65 mph gusts are channelled as high as 100+. the kind to tear up your fence and whisk away your little dog too.

i'm checking the CHP logs and i haven't seen any accidents, but i'm still a teensy bit worried. i'll be glad when he gets here, and loathe to let him leave. but that's also 'cause i dig him.

it's only like work because you work at it

there are so many times when it's easier to fall asleep. to fall into that deep, velvety pit that opens a gateway to the world of surreality, comedy, tragedy, terror and tears that are covered in a faint haze of memory the next day. it's escape. it's living who you aren't quite. it's like living in a movie.

i don't want to fall asleep for this. it's been scary, it's been sad, it's been harder than almost anything i've ever done. but i wouldn't trade it for sleep. i think and think and think and think; sometimes my brain hurts, often the hurt is lower down. somewhere closer to my thoracic-abdominal line. a little line i like to call my diaphragm. sometimes it aches with the memory of the pain. sometimes it doesn't hurt even a little bit and it's like a scientist examining a foreign object, holding it with forceps and squinting a little at the unusualness of it all.

it's also been better than anything i had imagined. it's been fun, it's been exciting, it's been steeped in that quiet sort of peace that i call joy and that everyone else calls contentment. joy is a quiet, delicate little creature that will scatter at the smallest flutter of sheaves of paper. i go through periods where i tingle from top to toe for just long enough that i almost forget that i'm tingling. then i stop just long enough to remind me again.

when i was ten i hurt all the time. my legs made me cry at night because they hurt. we shout "grow up!" to childrenpeople like it's an easy thing to do, but time made us forget that it aches and pulls and makes you long for advil and heating pads, and especially for your dad's spaghetti. when i was ten and a half i decided that i liked the pain. not in a sick and twisty way, but because it was actual proof that i was growing. pencil lines on the wall don't change day-to-day, hour-to-hour. i liked it in the way that it sort of feels good when a molar is growing in and you prod it with your tongue and your fingertips and you bite on the end of your pen to feel it more. because when you feel it, you're know you're growing. and if you're growing you've got to be alive.

that's the same reason i like the hurt now. it's not constant, and the source of it changes from day-to-day, hour-to-hour. usually it's from the same vicinity. but you sit down at the end of the day, take account of your aches and pains, and think of all that you've fought for and lost, all that you've fought for and won.

at the end of the day, i can't help but notice that everything i've lost makes everything i've won that much more precious. in fact, i realize that i've had to lose it in order to win. some might call it collateral damage. but i really know it's part of the balance. and it's all about balance. it's not music without the silence between the notes.

so i'll wrap it in yellow silk, drop it in my pocket, and fight to the death for it again tomorrow.

there's nothing wrong with working a long day, every day, for what you know is important.

and this is important.

stupid syndication...

so, sometimes my rss feed isn't updating. and i've seen a lot of people on blogger having that problem.

(like how i attribute the lack of posting to the rss feed instead of me not posting?)

and i'm also seeing people say that changing the feed url to one ending in rss.xml instead of atom.xml takes care of that.

but if you do that for my blog, the most recent post is from august 25. so i don't know what to say other than what i always say:

stupid blogger.